We’ve lived in Skellefteå for a decade. All my friends and family in the UK are bored with me telling them how great life is here. Some have even moved over here, too, mainly, I think, just to shut me up.
I've become a total Norrland cheerleader, but a recent call with a local reignited some frustrations I have with life up here.
So, I've decided to vent. Do you want to know the top three things that bug me about people here? Read on...
1. "Don't hang up!"
This recent incident is what truly soured my current mood.The other day, I called a Skellefteå kids' group organizer to inquire about the next gathering. After I finished asking in Swedish, she abruptly cut me off. This was presumably because I didn't have a Swedish accent, as I’ve since been told that she doesn't like non-Swedes and is as mean as sin.
And a related tip for those who cold-call me to sell me car insurance or kebab pizzas: please don't hang up when you hear a non-Swedish accent. And if you ARE going to hang up, then please don't call me again after an hour or so and put the phone down again as soon as you remember, too late, that you've already spoken to me.
You know, make a note on my file. “Angry English person, swears a LOT, do not call again.”
2. "Buy a bottle!"
When you come to my house planning to drink two litres of wine, please do not think a tiny box of chocolates will suffice as a gift. Especially when it’s really obvious that you’ve had the bashed-up box in the back of a cupboard for a couple of years.
If you’re going to drink wine, bring a bottle of wine with you. If you want beer, bring beer. We’ve had one dinner party guest (gift - a bunch of gas station flowers) who complained that we didn’t have the right brand of beer.
An English friend who’s been here 20 years told me that some local Swedes assume all Brits are rich and can afford loads of alcohol. These are the same Swedes who have two cars, a snowmobile and an ATV, and think I’m a penny-pincher because I bulk-buy my toilet roll in loads of 30.
3. "Would a 'thank you' kill you?"
If I open a door for you, please say “tack.” Don’t just stare through me as if you’re Elton John, and I’m your flunky. The same goes if I let you out at a road junction when I’m driving. Say “tack,” or raise a hand in acknowledgement - it’s really not going to cost you anything.
There, I feel much better now.
This is a column and the views are the author's own.