My father, a Florida military man, visited us recently. His experience was mixed. As we walked through the airport parking lot, a car drove into the space right in front of us, the driver not even acknowledging our presence. My father, used to drivers giving pedestrians a nod or wave, was quick to label the behavior as rude.
He was also quite put out by the small size of the bottles available at Systembolaget, along with the stores' limited opening hours.
He was impressed, however, by Sara kulturhus and found downtown to be very cozy. We spoke about the cultural differences here, and he came to understand why I made the move that I did.
However, something he was most surprised by was that parents in Sweden stop having access to their child’s medical records at the age of 13.
It doesn’t mean they are excluded from big health decisions, and that doesn’t mean that in certain cases exceptions are granted. But the idea that children are distinct individuals who should be allowed to make their own decisions is a tough one for Americans. Especially ones of his generation.
This Swedish policy underscores the respect for a child’s privacy and their growing ability to make independent choices about their health and well-being. It’s a recognition that adolescents are capable of managing their personal matters, including sensitive health matters, without the direct oversight of their parents.
One thing that is quite common in the US, especially in the south-east where I spent a lot of my childhood, is corporal punishment of children. I've often heard it said, “Well, I got spanked as a child, and I turned out fine.”
The response should always be, “If you think hitting children is okay, then you aren’t fine.”
Sweden was the first country to ban corporal punishment, including spanking, officially in 1979.
It’s not only illegal here, but socially unacceptable. Swedes generally agree that there are better ways to teach your children right from wrong, and public opinion is firmly on the side of non-violence.
In the US, corporal punishment is lawful in all states, where it is not just socially acceptable to spank your child, but where you are frowned upon if you do not take action to keep your unruly children under control. Spanking is good. As long as it doesn’t move into abuse.
This represents a broader view of parental rights, with many Americans viewing physical discipline as a necessary part of raising a well-behaved kid.
In the US, where the concept of individualism is rampant, the idea is simple: “My kid, my rules.”
Parenting isn’t a one-size-fits-all endeavor. What works in one culture might be baffling in another. The differences can be stark, and depending on your views, unsettling.
Which approach is better? That depends on who you ask. Swedes might argue that their laws and norms create more confident self-sufficient kids who respect others’ rights. Americans might counter that their way produces kids who understand boundaries and the importance of family oversight. But no matter your stance, we’re in Sweden, and the law is the law.
With the amount of parental leave days you receive here, I’m sure there’s plenty of extra time to look up great tips for gentle parenting.
And with winter on its way, there’s no better punishment than handing a kid a shovel and sending them outside.
This is a column and the views are the author's own.