Most mornings are hard for nearly everyone. But December mornings, when you have to rise at 5.45 am to get the kids to school and yourself to work, and it’s still pitch black outside, well, that’s a different kind of hard.
Aside from a few freakish parents who make cloudberry crepes for breakfast (or are willing to lie about it for articles with headlines such as “The Morning Routines of Parents Who Are Better Than You”), mornings are the great equaliser.
It’s not that you’re not paying attention, or that your kids have too much screen time or are hovered over, or any of the other guilt inducers for the modern parent.
The problem is simple: it's hard to be happy when you're forced to be somewhere earlier than you want to be.
And then factor in that some of the people in this equation are too young to take responsibility for getting themselves out the door.
Parents are up against a lot in the mornings.
And the most significant thing we can change? Bedtimes.
Bed. It’s the most inviting place in the world early in the morning for most adults — and the last place some of us can make ourselves go at night.
Meanwhile, there are those younger tornados, the ones who pop up at 5am at weekends, all sunshine and energy, pinching our cheeks and shouting, “GET UP, DAD! MUM, GET UP!”
They don’t want to go to bed, either. Going to bed, and getting others to go to bed, is hard. But the later we go to bed, the more painful it is when morning comes.
Everything eats away at bedtime, from the jobs we’ve put off, to our desire to extend the part of the day when we get to do what WE want to do instead of what we have to do.
Donna and I are still working this out, but we've had ideas.
Once you’re out of the baby years, set an example for your children by making sleep a priority for yourself. Create a bedtime, stick with it, and talk about it.
If you’re in the habit of staying up late for pleasure or productivity, it will probably feel difficult at first to shut down sooner. What you want now isn’t always what you want later. But your tomorrow morning self will thank you for the gift of more sleep.
If bedtimes for your children have slipped, take a hard look at how much sleep they’re able to get after lights out.
Upping that number will mean you’ll need tougher bedtimes for a few weeks while you establish or re-establish an earlier routine.
It’s hard to start dinner earlier, run the bath earlier, or cut short your family evening (especially if either of you often work late), but the morning benefits will quickly convince you that it’s worth it, and the long-term benefits are even greater.
How we talk about sleep and help kids understand its importance matters. By modeling routines and prioritizing rest, we show them we trade late nights for better mornings.
Research has proven, incontestably, that children who get more sleep perform better at school and have fewer behavioural problems - there are some really scary stats out there about kids who don't get enough sleep.
So when we see the impact of lack of sleep on ourselves or our kids, we can note it, along with a plan to do better.
Kids can see how different they feel after a full night’s sleep, and although it’s not likely to make them hop into bed without the usual foot-dragging, it does make a difference.
You have to start somewhere.
This is a column. The views are the writer's own.